As seen on Dayton Daily News, February 15, 2014
In my parenting class, we talk about children not being able to clean their rooms because they have too many toys. Invariably, a parent will raise a hand and say, “I agree! My child has too many toys, but I can’t stop their grandma from buying more.”
The room then erupts with other parents chiming in with the same complaint.
So grandmas, this article is for you. It’s meant to say what your daughter-in-law is afraid to tell you or what your daughter has told you repeatedly, but you haven’t taken her seriously.
I know grandmas don’t want to hear this, but as an organizer, I see the problems too much gift-giving causes.
When children have too many toys, it’s hard for them to be responsible in caring for them. Children often leave toys lying around the house because they know if something breaks, grandma will buy more.
Their toys spill over into every room in the home. The toy clutter affects everyone who lives there. This causes stress and arguments between family members.
The harmony in the home is disrupted because children can’t clean their rooms. It’s impossible when they have too many toys and not enough space.
A room in disarray often starts an argument between parent and child. The parent will yell at the child for not having a tidy room, which often brings tears from the child.
Next thing you know, the other parent is involved and they start arguing. It goes something like thie:
Wife says, “I have asked your mother to stop buying so many gifts, but she won’t listen. You need to tell her to stop.”
Husband doesn’t want to hurt his mother’s feelings, so he says nothing to her. Saying nothing gets him in hot water with his wife.
Now Mom and Dad are not getting along. That’s not good for children.
It doesn’t stop there. Daughter-in-law now resents grandma, and this relationship becomes strained. Sometimes grandma doesn’t realize this because the daughter-in-law doesn’t want to confront her.
As you can see grandma, too many toys can create a messy room, a cluttered home, stress, arguments between family members and in some cases, resentment towards you.
So what else can you do to show your love?
Take their ordinary day and made it extraordinary. Bring them lunch at school, take them for ice cream after their sports practice or invite their friends to your home for pizza-and-movie night.
Giving your grandchildren the gift of your time is the best gift. Having the patience to teach them something, like baking cookies, will be treasured long after they outgrow the plastic toys.
If you can’t spend time with them because you live too far away, there are plenty of clutter-free options. You can pay for a class or camp that interests the child.
Before buying anything ask the parents for suggestions and honor their wishes.
Showing love is not about how many gifts you buy. It’s about spending time with grandkids and buying only the items they really need. It’s about respecting that the parents know what is best for their family.
Make sure you’re adding to their happiness. After all, that has been your intention all along.