As seen in the Dayton Daily News on September 27, 2014.
For those of you who are married, think back to the time when you were excited to move in with one another and start your new life as a married couple. You brought your things into the home and your partner did the same.
Everything was great until one day, one spouse starts feeling overwhelmed with the items accumulated in the home and the disorganization that follows. This leads to bickering. Home sweet home starts getting lost in the piles of stuff.
There are several things you can do to find balance and live in harmony with someone who may not be as organized as you.
First, take care of your items before worrying about what you spouse is up to. There are many areas of your home you have control over. Organize your side of the closet, nightstand, bathroom drawer, purse, car and any space that is yours.
You’ll feel better and more in control, once you pare down to the items you need and keep them organized. Staying focused on yourself gives you less time to be bothered by your spouse’s things and more time to accomplish things that are important to you.
Sometimes couples use stuff as a way to control one another. While working with a client in her craft room, I suggested she part with some of the items she no longer needed. Her response was, “I won’t part with those until my husband parts with the tires in the garage that belong to a car we no longer own.”
If you’re keeping score like this, you might have a marital concern that should be dealt with before attempting to organize your home.
When you’re ready to work together, find a balance. Agree that some rooms will remain orderly, while others can have some degree of disarray. For example, the living room is organized, while the home office stays behind closed doors. The kitchen is her domain, while the garage is his. Marriage is a compromise. Remember this when organizing your home.
While organizing, share your progress with your spouse. When you donate items, let them see how much you parted with. If you sell something, announce how much you earned. If something was particularly hard to let go of, share this too.
We sold our horse a couple years ago, but I wasn’t ready to part with my cherished saddle until recently. I was happy when a young girl purchased it, but once she left I looked at my husband and said, “I think I might cry.” He hugged me and said, “It went to a good home.” I was comforted by his words, even though he was probably smiling over my head knowing we would never own another horse whose upkeep would be expensive.
I have often seen a spouse jump on board and start organizing their spaces when they see their spouse trying hard to improve the household organization. Soon after I sold my saddle, my husband was ready to part with his childhood coin collection.
When working with your spouse be patient and strive for progress, not perfection. When arguments arise, remember what’s important. Stop letting stuff get in the way of a happier marriage.