As seen in the Dayton Daily News on December 6, 2014.
When I used to work in the corporate world, every year after Thanksgiving we would start up our Secret Santa gift giving to co-workers. Everyone put their name in a hat and drew a name. That person then became the target of your secret gift giving until Christmas.
I’m no longer employed in the corporate world, but I’m often hired by companies to work with their employees to help them get more organized and work more efficiently. I have discovered in some companies employees no longer do Secret Santa. Instead they do Secret Co-Worker throughout the entire year.
While helping employees organize their offices, I uncover stashes of candles, note cards, holiday decorations, knickknacks, homemade craft items, chocolates and other edibles.
These items are stuffed in drawers, overflowing on shelves and taking up precious space on desktops. The collections and surrounding furniture are usually dusty, because it’s too time consuming to clean.
Employees often receive items they don’t want. They feel guilty parting with them, because they don’t want to hurt their co-workers feelings.
Stuff has a way of coming into our lives with emotions attached to it. It’s this emotional attachment that makes the stuff hard to part with. Even when you are ready to let go of something, you hold on to it, because someone else may get their feelings hurt.
The gifts continue to accumulate and pile up, making it difficult to keep an uncluttered office. Many employees I talk to no longer find joy in these gift exchanges and see them more as a burden.
When employees share with me their lack of interest in continuing with the gift exchange, I ask, “Why don’t you stop participating?” The responses I get sound like this, “I would love to, but I don’t want to upset anyone or make people think I’m coldhearted.”
Let me share my experiences with this very dilemma. In the past, I have done secret gift exchanges with co-workers, family, my book club and other organizations I have been involved with.
Because I don’t like to shop, receive gifts I won’t use or feel the emotional pressure that stuff brings with it, I have politely let it be known that I no longer wish to participate. I make it clear that I’ll be perfectly fine watching others exchange gifts without opening any of my own.
When I mentioned I no longer wished to participate, one of two things happened with every group.
Others in the group immediately said they no longer wanted to do it, but they were afraid to be the first to speak up.
Or they continued the gift giving the next year, while I watched them do the exchange, enjoying my empty-handed self. Seeing me sit back relaxed, they also decided to stop exchanging.
If you love doing these exchanges, then continue doing them and enjoy. If you find them to be a hassle, don’t be afraid to bow out. Most people today are overwhelmed by stuff and will understand. They may even join you.
Empty-handed and happy, it’s possible.