As seen in the Dayton Daily News on October 24, 2015.
After teaching a class the other evening, several people stayed to asked me questions. One woman was standing alone towards the back of the room. I knew she was probably waiting for everyone to leave, so she could share something personal.
Once everyone had gone, she walked up to me and said, “I’m a hoarder.”
When someone tells me they’re a hoarder, it’s important that I uncover what triggered their hoarding in order to better help them.
I asked, “When did your hoarding start?” Through tear-filled eyes she said, “When my husband passed away.”
I had the trigger, but I still needed more information in order to help her. I asked, “Why has his death caused you to bring excess into your home?”
She replied, “When my husband passed, my home suddenly felt very big and empty. I filled it with stuff so I didn’t feel so lonely.”
There it was. The real cause of her hoarding. Learning ways to cope with her loneliness was the first step she has to take in order to let go of the overload in her home.
She then said, “After being here tonight, I feel like I’m ready to move forward, but where do I start?”
After talking about the loneliness aspect, we turned our conversation to organizing.
I asked, “Would your husband want you to be happy right now?” The tears came on a bit stronger and she said, “Of course, he would want the best for me.”
“If you let go of most of his things, would you still love him the same?” She nodded her head, “Yes.” I continued, “Whether you keep or part with his things, it does not change the love you feel for him, so it’s time for you do what is necessary to bring more peace into your life.”
I advised her to start parting with his things first. Keeping a few mementoes for herself, and then asking those who knew him best if they would like something. Anything remaining could then be donated to help others in need.
When she can accomplish this, all the other items she brought into her home will be much easier to let go of.
She left the room knowing she had some tough decisions to make, but feeling stronger about taking them on.
If you know someone who is hoarding, ask questions to find the real reason they are using things to comfort themselves. It goes deeper than the stuff on the surface.
Once their trigger is uncovered, help them manage those feelings before removing anything from their home.
Someone who is hoarding is hurting. Show compassion, seek professional help for their underlying emotional issues and be patient as you support them through this situation.